It’s insane to look back at this page and see how much has changed. Four years. That may be all, but it really feels like an eternity. Back when I didn’t have a place to really call home, back when I really did the most growing up of my life. As hard as it was, it made me independent. It made me who I am today.
And who am I today?
A business owner.
You heard me right. Somehow, someway, this insecure person from 2014 who could hardly convince herself to put one foot in front of the other at times became a business owner. I own my own mobile grooming company and will be working soon on expanding it into a fleet. It’s exhausting, and yet another insanely stressful thing I don’t particularly wish on anyone, but at the same time, I wouldn’t trade it. It’s my biggest achievement, and I love it.
I’m a wife.
Yes. That happened too. Even though my last post sounds extremely horrible in the land of boyfriends (he sounds so mean!) I married him. 8 months ago. We’ve bought our own house in that time and have really begun to settle into our lives together. And no, he isn’t mean. He’s the sweetest thing around.
Again, it’s crazy to me to think how much has changed in simply 4 years. Things were so bleak then. Me, the person who would plan out everything didn’t even know where I would be sleeping each night. What career path I would choose.
So, my message to whatever person might stumble across this page is; just keep moving forward. The light is at the end of the tunnel. Somewhere. You’ll find it one day. I promise.
You know the times when you feel as though you haven’t accomplished anything in your life? The days when you sit in the chair in tears because you can’t come up with a single thing that you have completed that would be considered meaningful.
A couple weeks ago was the end of a long month of feelings like that. I was in a nearly constant state of depression because of it. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t come up with one meaningful thing that I had accomplished.
My amazing boyfriend did his best to help me through that, but like most people he eventually gave up on that and told me the truth; that I was being a big crybaby.
Which is true.
Think about it, each and every one of us has done something meaningful in our lives. Whether it’s good or bad, there has been something you have done for, or to, someone that helped them to remember you forever.
It might have been something as simple as holding the door open for someone, or giving them a hug when they were sad. Or, it could have been something big like publishing a best selling novel and being able to make a living.
Today, I just wanted to say to everyone reading this that you have done something in your life. It may not look big on paper, but it was big to someone, and that’s what matters.
I’ve been working very very hard on my outline for Coast Tied. I’m almost embarrassed to say how long it’s been.
4 months ago, I threw out the messy story about mermaids I had been writing and told myself to take it seriously and outline it. And boy, I’m very glad I did.
I finished my outline today. I know where I’m heading. I know my characters. I would probably do anything for these imaginary beings.
I never used to outline. I didn’t like it. I prefered to jump in and do the part I loved best – writing. But I’ve lost count of how many stories have been abandoned after the 10,000 word mark where I loose steam.
I always end up learning that I don’t know the characters. That I don’t understand what they are going through. I ultimately feel like a horrible writer with a terrible story for nitwits and cry myself to sleep. The same thing happens for weeks working on it until I abandon the idea and go to the next one.
Now that I’m done with the outline, I’m beyond thrilled. Even that seems like an understatement. I have something finished and on paper. A step of another novel completed. A small step, yes, by it’s a step nonetheless!
I just thought I would share my excitement with you all!
We all want to believe there is a place we go after we die. A better place. We use this to comfort us when loved ones die and on the fateful day when we move on as well.
In the past two weeks, I lost my adopted grandmother. She was the sweetest lady on this Earth. The very first day I met her, in fact, she told me she loved me. The thing is, she meant it too.
The day my boyfriend told me his grandmother died, I fell onto my grooming table in tears. It’ll be impossible to accept this lady’s death. But, she was constantly sick. Not just sick with the flu or something like that, she had pnenomia, could no longer walk, had to breathe with an oxygen tank, and could no longer leave the house.
She is in a much better place now. She can run with the best of them.
Today, I’m facing the death of a dog. It’s not my dog, it’s my future father in law’s dog. He’s 15 years old and has lived outside his whole life. For the past two weeks though, his body has begun to shut down. Today he can’t get up to do anything. When I try to hand feed him, he spits everything out. It’s the saddest thing! As I wait for his human daddy to come home from work and take over my vigil/deal with it, I’m left thinking about death.
I see it as a peaceful thing. Often, it’s after a huge and painful struggle that a person dies. Once it’s over, there’s no more pain.
So, if you would, pray for my adopted family and I as we mourn both the loss of this amazing hunting dog, and the sweetest grandmother ever. Even though I see death as a peaceful thing, it’s not an easy thing to accept for those left behind.
Today I got to go to my very first baseball game. Most people are shocked when I tell them that I’d never been to one before. But hey, my parents weren’t really sporty.
I’m currently thinking baseball is my favorite sport. It’s less stressful. By a lot. While watching football or basketball, I get so stressed out I feel like I’m about to die from a heart attack.
I think I can survive this baseball thing!
Unfortunately, we lost the game 3 to 0. But it was fun!
I have to constantly remind myself that I’m only 20. I even caught myself telling someone once that I was 24 on accident. Oops… I certainly feel like 24 anyway. After all of that divorce business, I feel like I aged a good 6-8 years or something.
But that’s not the point. Not really.
I’m 20, living at my father’s house/boyfriend’s house/car. I don’t feel like I have a home. My boyfriend lives with his family still, so it’s occasionally awkward staying the weekends there. The only times I stay at the place I use as my address, (my dad’s house) is on the workweek nights.
Many people don’t seem to realize how stressful this is. I feel like I need to choose a life. I can’t choose staying with my boyfriend’s h
I’ve been working on plotting on my latest story, Coast Tied. I’ve been working on this book for about a year now. Saying it makes it sound like such a long time! I was about 10 chapters in when I couldn’t do it anymore. It had so many plot holes and I didn’t even know how I was going to end the story. So, I went and bought a notebook.
A plotting notebook. I have found that it makes it so much easier to figure out what’s going on in my stories if I plot. I get to know my characters much faster and the excitement to begin writing is enough to spur me on through the dead zones of the writing process.
Mondays have been dedicated as my writing days. I work Tuesday-Saturday and it really makes it hard to come home and write. I try, but usually I don’t have the energy to do much else other than sit and stare at a wall. Working with dogs is more exhausting than it sounds. So, what I tend to do on my work days is write through my lunch hour. If the dogs aren’t barking up a storm, it’s kind of nice!
Today is Monday, which is awesome. I stay at my boyfriend’s over my weekend, so I’m at his house right now. The internet isn’t very fast, it’s in the middle of nowhere, and I get to puppy sit. It’s perfect for writing. The problem is, I forgot my notebook at home. That’s a big problem. I’m only about halfway done with my plotting. In fact, I might not even be that far with it.
But, I have a much better grasp of my characters and plot now. I even think I know how it’s going to end! Cue happy dances and a barking chihuahua! So, I’m going to spend today WRITING. I’m excited.
I’m very excited.
Lillia, it’s time for me to take over your world!