Full Time?

It’s been a month from some bad tv soap opera. Case closed. I’ll appear again more often soon. I hope…

I’ve been trying to find a full time job. In this economy for a person with a simple AS degree in general studies, that’s not an easy feat. Especially when I have vowed never to go back to fast food.

I’ve applied to countless jobs and have only had one interview. Which I bombed. But that’s another story. Obviously, I’m still in my minimum wage extremely part time book store job. I love it there. I just can’t live on it.

Because I have yet to find someone who even considers hiring me, I began thinking. Maybe it’s a sign from God? Yes, I realize, that sounds cheesy. But I believe in stuff like that. I began wondering if maybe it was an opportunity to jump for what I’ve been wanting all along.

Writing full time.

Why not? I don’t have another full time job and I currently don’t have debt or pressing bills. (Though I don’t have a set place to live either…) Why not jump and become what I’ve always wanted to be?

I’m honestly not sure why I didn’t think of this before, but my brain is really that fried.

So I’ve decided to give it a shot. I’ve been trying for two days now. Not much, but it’s a start. I sit at my desk with the door locked and write. Just write. I turn off the internet and set timers. After the timer goes off, I can see where I am and take a break or just go back to writing.

So far, it’s worked.

And worked well.

I’ve doubled the word count in one of my stories. Granted, the story wasn’t very long yet. But hey! I still doubled the word count…

Today’s going to be harder because I have to go to work. I’m hoping my new routine will pay off in the end. Already it’s made me happier and feel more in place. I just hope it lasts.

I’m honestly scared of the commitment this decision has. It’s something I’ve wanted all my life, but when it’s in my reach I get scared. I’m not sure if I’m ready to commit completely yet to writing full time. Which is why I’m keeping my part time job and will continue applying to full time positions. Just not as though my life depends on it.

It’s going to be more difficult than I imagined partly because I don’t have a set place to call home. I’m at the house I grew up in now, but I’ve only been here twice in three weeks. I’ve been living out of a suitcase at either my boyfriend’s house or my mother’s the rest of the time. I’m worried about what kind of repercussions this will cause.

Wish me luck. Send me your prayers.

I really need it.

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We Both Can Rely On Each Other

I had a sudden realization yesterday…

I’ve grown up.

I’ve considered myself somewhat of an adult (that’s why there’s supposed to be a young before that…) for a little over a year now. But, I have determined that we never stop growing up and maturing. We just get older and wiser until we’re in the ground somewhere.

It’s been an extremely hard month. I graduated college, parents went their separate ways, I don’t have a set place to live, and I became the mother of my brother for a week. Oh, and then there was the insane tornado. It was hard, and it was certainly not fun. I’m not going into details on any of that right now, but I just wanted to set the picture.

Yesterday was the first time I really got to see my mother in a week or so. She said she was afraid I had been so mad at her that I would never forgive her. She had surgery yesterday, so of course I came over to take care of her.

I told her; “I’ve been your best friend since I was very young. We’re still mother and daughter, we are bound to be mad at each other at some point in time. Sure, I was mad, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you and won’t take care of you. I’m an adult now too. We both can rely on each other.”

And that’s when I had that sudden realization, I’ve grown up a lot in the past month.

It’s kind of a disturbing thought…

I apologize for the completely random post. I’ve just been mulling over it for a while…

Our War Zone

Hello again. It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. Life had simply gotten so hectic I can’t formulate words.

And then this happened…

There are simply no words for this. It was too close from home. I was at a hospital (my mother works there… I’m not hurt.) a short distance from it when it hit. I had headed over there simply because there hadn’t been any storms yet. It took me about half an hour to get there from where I was staying. When I had left, there had been absolutely nothing on the radar. Nothing. I had been there for a mere 15 minutes when the code black was called and the hail started to fall.

I didn’t see the beginning of the tornado. I was busy trying to save my car from the hail. Originally I thought I was going to write about that. True, a stranger saved my car from the hail, but it doesn’t seem very important now, so I’ll write a separate post on it later.

The tornado was giant, as you can see from the pictures above. It looked like something from a sci fi movie – something that simply can not happen. And that is coming from a person who has lived in Oklahoma all her life. It stayed on the ground for nearly an hour, going through portions of Oklahoma that I consider the ‘city’. It hit schools with children inside, it hit daycares, it hit countless houses. It hit everything. The grass is gone in the path. Everything.

Driving home was extremely stressful as all the highways were at a standstill. There were more storms forming over me and no one knew what was going to happen next. The tornado sirens were going off over and over, though there weren’t any more tornados over there at the time. The pressure in the air made them continue going off. The radio held nothing but the storm damage. An interview with a person who had just been pulled out of her bathtub who somehow survived. A quick warning from the media to ‘watch the shot’ because a women was impaled. The words devastating and terrible don’t even seem to cut it.

Yes, I’m safe. My house is safe. My brain simply is not. A big place of my world is gone, and I can’t figure out how to process it. It’s so overwhelming. My heart goes out to everyone here in Oklahoma. We’re all affected in one way or another. We all knew someone there. It is Oklahoma’s very own war zone.

Pray for Oklahoma. We need it more than words can express. I believe the death toll is already at 51, but I have heard many things. We need your prayers.

One of ‘Those’ Days

Yesterday was one of ‘those’ days. You know, the kind of day when you get so incredibly much done that it shouldn’t really be possible, and then go to work for double the hours as originally planned (Oh, I was so hungry by the time I got off!). It was one of those days where you are so proud of yourself for what you accomplished, but feel it’s stupid to brag about it on facebook. Yet, it’s also one of those days where you are halfway miserable and scared to death.

Such a conflicting day…

Pretty much, I want to thank my sister of a best friend for helping yesterday have that good edge. You see, I was going to do what I call Job Begging. I’d never successfully done it, but the basic idea is that you walk into the place you applied to and ask about the job. Basically, make sure they know you want the job. Badly.

I got all dressed up early in the morning. I did my hair. I did my makeup (I even put on lipstick and eyeshadow…) and put on nice clothing. I still wore my boots, but there was no way I was going to walk around all day long in a pair of ‘nice’ shoes that must be related to the devil. But hey, I’d polished them the day before so they looked less worn than my pidgin toed self had made them in 8 months.

I drove the twenty minutes to the job site without thinking. I had eaten breakfast, brushed my teeth, and somehow had forgotten deodorant.

And then I started thinking.

What do I do once I get in there?

Will they think I’m some idiot kid?

Oh my God what if I look like a 16 year old kid…

Oh God… Oh God… Oh God… I can’t do this…

So I sat in the parking lot for half an hour shaking like a leaf unable to make myself go in and ask about a full time job.

I knew I had to do it. It’s one of those jobs that I will loose if I don’t grab it myself. So I went to the store to buy jeans instead. I needed them anyway… When leaving there, I called my sister/best friend. 

She pretty much told me to get my butt in that place or else. That and she gave me somewhat of an introductory script to follow – which helped tremendously.

So, Sarah, I thank you for helping me do the impossible. Without you, I would not have an interview next week!