Unaccomplished

You know the times when you feel as though you haven’t accomplished anything in your life? The days when you sit in the chair in tears because you can’t come up with a single thing that you have completed that would be considered meaningful.
A couple weeks ago was the end of a long month of feelings like that. I was in a nearly constant state of depression because of it. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t come up with one meaningful thing that I had accomplished.
My amazing boyfriend did his best to help me through that, but like most people he eventually gave up on that and told me the truth; that I was being a big crybaby.
Which is true.
Think about it, each and every one of us has done something meaningful in our lives. Whether it’s good or bad, there has been something you have done for, or to, someone that helped them to remember you forever.
It might have been something as simple as holding the door open for someone, or giving them a hug when they were sad. Or, it could have been something big like publishing a best selling novel and being able to make a living.
Today, I just wanted to say to everyone reading this that you have done something in your life. It may not look big on paper, but it was big to someone, and that’s what matters.

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This Started Out As Encouragement

I have to constantly remind myself that I’m only 20. I even caught myself telling someone once that I was 24 on accident. Oops… I certainly feel like 24 anyway. After all of that divorce business, I feel like I aged a good 6-8 years or something.

But that’s not the point. Not really.

I’m 20, living at my father’s house/boyfriend’s house/car. I don’t feel like I have a home. My boyfriend lives with his family still, so it’s occasionally awkward staying the weekends there. The only times I stay at the place I use as my address, (my dad’s house) is on the workweek nights. 

Many people don’t seem to realize how stressful this is. I feel like I need to choose a life. I can’t choose staying with my boyfriend’s h

Forgot My Notebook

I’ve been working on plotting on my latest story, Coast Tied. I’ve been working on this book for about a year now. Saying it makes it sound like such a long time! I was about 10 chapters in when I couldn’t do it anymore. It had so many plot holes and I didn’t even know how I was going to end the story. So, I went and bought a notebook. 

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A plotting notebook. I have found that it makes it so much easier to figure out what’s going on in my stories if I plot. I get to know my characters much faster and the excitement to begin writing is enough to spur me on through the dead zones of the writing process.

Mondays have been dedicated as my writing days. I work Tuesday-Saturday and it really makes it hard to come home and write. I try, but usually I don’t have the energy to do much else other than sit and stare at a wall. Working with dogs is more exhausting than it sounds. So, what I tend to do on my work days is write through my lunch hour. If the dogs aren’t barking up a storm, it’s kind of nice!

Today is Monday, which is awesome. I stay at my boyfriend’s over my weekend, so I’m at his house right now. The internet isn’t very fast, it’s in the middle of nowhere, and I get to puppy sit. It’s perfect for writing. The problem is, I forgot my notebook at home. That’s a big problem. I’m only about halfway done with my plotting. In fact, I might not even be that far with it.

But, I have a much better grasp of my characters and plot now. I even think I know how it’s going to end! Cue happy dances and a barking chihuahua! So, I’m going to spend today WRITING. I’m excited.

I’m very excited.

Lillia, it’s time for me to take over your world!

The Pen Ran Away!

Long time no see!

 

 

 

 

I have this pen that I’m obsessed with. Quite a lot, actually. Enough that I’ve had at least four of these expensive pens in the past four years and at least the same amount of pencils. It’s the pen by Dr. Grip. I love it. Too much.

I had two of them in working order not very long ago, but they began disappearing. One would be there for me when I needed it, but the other one would be nowhere to be found. They would switch places every few days. It was as though they hated each other. It seemed like the first pen was upset at me that I had replaced him so soon after he’d gone missing that one time.

Eventually, the pens grew to get along. At least somewhat. They must have figured out that I didn’t want to use them both at the same time, so they just had to coexist in the pencil box if they ever ended up there. Which they didn’t.

I forgot about the fancy pens for a few months. I will admit it. With the pens, I forgot about my dream of being an author and threw all of my effort into something else. When I came back, stressed, feeling lost, and wondering what happened to have made my brain such a scraggily mess of TV shows and dog grooming, the pens were gone.

It’s as though they won’t forgive me for leaving in such a frenzied hurry to find some way out of the mess I was in. But that’s alright. These pens survived with me though my college writing (attempt) carrier. But now that I have a full time job and am striving to survive this thing called young adulthood, I can’t be there for them as I had once wanted. At least not for now. At least not yet.

So this is my message to these inanimate objects known as pens, thank you for being there through everything. Helping me write down my feelings, helping me plot the life of a character, helping me brutally kill that very character off… Though I’m now working 8-6pm 5 days a week like much of the world, it doesn’t mean I’m gone! I’m still here! I still want to be an author, and I will never let that dream go. 

I’m too much of a cheapskate now to spend the money on a new one, so I want you to always know you have a spot here. So, might you consider returning?

Resolutions of 2014

The beginning of 2014 marks many things for me. One of them being that this blog is a year old. I started it as part of a new years resolution (that I really didn’t want to call that) to write an hour a day and find other writer friends on the internet. The first one was a ludicrous goal that I didn’t succeed at. The second one kind of worked.

This year, I’m going to give in and make resolutions. I’m not going to be afraid to call them that, either. Because 2013 sucked and I don’t feel like doing anything the same as last year.

So, without further ado, here are my resolutions. Both insane and feasible. 

1. Smash the insecurities!

    I smash because I despise them. They were the biggest hinderance of 2013 there was. I was hurt by many people I cared about this year and a list of insecurities that would fill up a bucket after being shredded to bits took over me. I can’t live with them. They’re going away. The end.

2. Smile!

    This one falls into place with the last one. I forgot how to smile for a long while this year. There’s not really another way to put it. I was miserable and I had no idea how to get out. Now that a smile is possible again, I never want to lose it. But I’m having problems getting it on my face as often as it was there last year…. I’d like to fix that. I’d love to be the happy person I was only a year ago.

3. Read 30 books this year.

   I’m not a particularly slow reader, but I’m not a speedy one. I want to read more. It’s the best stress relief ever for me. 30 books sounds possible for me, so I’m going to attempt it. I even discovered goodreads.com to help me with this goal. 

4. Finish writing two books. 

   I love to write. This one shouldn’t have to be a resolution. But it is. Because well, I have a problem with things like Netflix. 

5.  Keep room clean…

I like to think of myself as somewhat of a clean person. Then I look at my room and realize that’s a lie.

 

Those are the things I’d like to accomplish. Most of them seem somewhat dooable. Right? Well, I’m hoping so.

I wanted to thank all of my 50 stalkers for existing. I know there aren’t many who actually read these, and I know many of them don’t actually log in. It still makes me smile and gives me hope for the future. And for that, I wanted to give each and every one of you an internet hug – because hugs freak me out somewhat. Hugs take effort, people!

 

So, here’s to a much happier blog from me this year. Thank you for sticking with me, even though the insanity I called my life. You guys helped me through a lot. 

Happy 2014!

♥♡♥

Procrastination Must Be Destroyed!

So, procrastination is a good friend of mine.We go way back… But our relationship shall be kept a secret.

Only, I think it’s time to end it.

It became a hurtful relationship. So… I must say goodbye!

How?

I have no freaking clue. Every night, I promise myself that I will actually wake up at 6 in the morning, do some yoga, make a healthy breakfast, get ready (even do my hair!) and then have a while to sit and read or write. A good start to my day before I have to be at work.

Now, what actually ends up happening is this; the alarm goes off and I hit the snooze button – even edit it for thirty minutes. When it decides I can’t snooze anymore, I do the required math problems to shut it up and go back to sleep until my next alarm goes off. This repeats itself until 7:30 or 8. I have to leave the house at 8:30.

Evil procrastination!

Of course, this cycle isn’t because I stay up late. I physically can’t. I fight dogs all day long, so I’m quite exhausted by the time I get home after dark. I’m honestly not sure how I get myself to exercise. (Seriously! Why am I not procrastinating on THAT?! Is that my way of procrastinating on my writing? Well… it’s healthy?)

Perhaps my over sleeping is because I’m getting too much sleep? I’ve heard that can be a problem too. It would make sense.

Sleeping besides the point, I want to write.

I want to finish a novel I’ve been working on for a couple of months now. I REALLY want to finish it. It’s a really good plot, if I do say so myself. It’s about mermaids…. and an evil scientist… and kidnappings…. That’s all the information I’m disclosing due to me being overly paranoid.

Why is it not finished? Why am I at a mere 14,000 words?

PROCRASTINATION.

Curse word, curse word, procrastination.

I’m procrastinating on it right now, in fact.

I must admit, I’m writing a scene that I’m not particularly proud of. I don’t like the setting, or how it’s unfolding. It’s a boring scene. One that needs to explode into flames and then ram straight into a shooting star and burn again. But I’ll worry about it more in editing. Right now, I want to finish the book so I actually can edit it!

Wish me luck…

So, my question is this; What do you suggest to get myself to stop procrastinating? How do I make this novel a complete priority?

Those who have been following me for a while know this has been something I’ve struggled with a lot. I honestly enjoy writing and reading, but if I get stuck in a scene that isn’t working right, everything stops.

Help?